literature

Feel This Out

Deviation Actions

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Their hands fit together perfectly as they slid out of the crowd.  Cian couldn’t stop smiling, his face feeling odd from how his lips were permanently stuck twisted upwards.  Mercutio leaned on his arm, the other eternal’s head brushing against Cian’s shoulder.  It was like a reflex, and Cian stopped to kiss Mercutio’s temple.  Mercutio giggled slightly and pressed more securely against him.

“See?  I told you.”

Cian looked up to find the two of them standing within a few feet of a table.  Sitting on top of it was Damien who was talking to a man sitting on the bench.  Cian almost winced as he looked over the man.  He was an older human, with short black hair that was beginning to silver.  The left side of his face was completely scarred, the slashes running down his face and neck, and his eye was so badly damaged it couldn’t open properly.  Yet, for all of the old and well-healed injuries, the man seemed to be smiling and rather happy.  There was also a half-finished mug of beer in his hand so…

“I had them pegged for enemies with the way there were dancing,” the older man said.

“But they’re not,” Damien stated.

“Sometimes we are,” Cian replied quietly.

“Not right now.  Right now you’re busy kissing in front of strangers,” the boy continued to tease.

Mercutio giggled and some part of Cian wanted to be offended, but instead he just shrugged.  Kissing in public was hardly the worst they could do, and looking around the plaza Cian could tell it was hardly a cultural taboo to do so.  There were couples kissing all around them, some doing more than that but they had the good sense to hide somewhere in the shadows.  Looking to the intensely scarred man Cian scanned him a few times.  Damien was sitting rather close to him, the two looked comfortable, and there was a quiet smile the two seemed to share.

“Are you Damien’s father?”  Mercutio asked, apparently reading Cian’s mind.

Damien frowned.  “Kester isn’t my father,” he explained gruffly.

Kester laughed, the sound low and scratchy.  “Do I look the type to have children?”

“I don’t think we have the right to judge that,” Cian murmured.

“Well then you’re too kind,” Kester’s good eye seemed to shine slightly.  “I’m Damien’s teacher.”

“Teacher for what subject?”  Mercutio had to press.

“Painting.”

“Painting?”  Both Mercutio and Cian repeated in unison.

Damien shifted almost uncomfortably.  Thin fingers worked their way through messy white hair.  The boy wasn’t used to attention it seemed, and he wasn’t used to talking about himself.  Cian could tell as much from their first encounter but it was more apparent now.  Kester seemed to smile though, and he nodded to the pair of eternals.

“He spends a lot of time in the forest,” Kester started to explain, capturing almost all of Mercutio’s attention in a simple statement.

Cian’s attention was pulled away from the story and to the boy himself.  Damien slid over to the edge of the table and put his feet on the bench.  Patting Mercutio’s arm, Cian let his hand go and went over to the boy.

“Isn’t the forest full of demons?”  Cian had to ask.

Damien smirked.  “You and your telrivaka said that there were no demons.”

“How long were you following us for?”  Frowned Cian.

Damien’s eyes flashed but he wisely kept his lips sealed.  Cian sighed exasperatedly and sat down next to the albino’s twiggy legs.  Upon closer inspection the Eternal could see some fading bruises under Damien’s collar.  They didn’t look the accidental type.

“I didn’t see any demons, is what I meant,” Cian rephrased, violet eyes carefully moving from the fading bruises to Damien’s face.

The boy avoided eye contact and looked back out to the crowd.  Behind them Kester was explaining how Damien could draw animals and parts of the Ymi-Ri river better than anyone else in the area.  With a soft sigh Damien shook his head, folding his arms over his stomach.

“Well you have,” he said quietly.

Cian caught on within half a second.  “I don’t think so.”

“You wouldn’t know,” Damien sneered.

Something twisted in Cian as that comment hissed out of the boy.  He thought for a moment, leaning back against the bench.  Mercutio was now chattering with Kester about his own art, what sort of paintings they had, how much they were.  Of course he needed a souvineer from this world.  They only just got an impressive aquarium’s worth of fish.

“…Do you?”  Damien’s voice softened, his crimson eyes settling on Cian’s shoulder.  “You’re not from here.  Your telrivaka and you just appeared here.  Then you did your trick…”

“Mercutio and I are… I suppose you could call us a very special sort of traveler.  We can go wherever we like.”

Explaining the complexities to a child like Damien seemed like a bad idea.  While Cian had no doubt the boy was smart and he would understand, giving him ideas about the universe might be the wrong course.  Mercutio and him couldn’t take a child.  They were only recently discovering their own relationship—and Cian knew they needed to have a proper conversation about that—taking Damien would not only be a thousand different kinds of unethical and immortal, but it would also complicate a complicated relationship already.

“Have you two met some?  Demons, I mean,” the boy prompted.

“I know I’ve met people who have called themselves such,” Cian nodded.

He caught Damien’s gaze and knew the question already.  As gently as he could, without looking too sympathetic or pitying, Cian smiled at Damien.  The albino didn’t echo the expression.

“I wouldn’t say you are one of them, Damien,” the eternal explained truthfully.

The boy shifted uncomfortably.  Somewhere in his head Cian could hear Damien fighting against the comment.  Something about how Cian only knew him an hour at best, that his father knew him better, that Cian didn’t know how bad he was.  Again his stomach twisted.

“Kester doesn’t seem to think you are,” Cian motioned behind them.

“That’s because Kester only knows me through the nice stuff I’ve done.”

“Oh?”

Damien shrugged.  “I beat up some kids who beat him up and took his stuff.  Then after Kester offered to teach me to paint.  I go and get his medicine for him, deliver his paintings, and other stuff.”

“I’ve never heard of demons doing that.”

“Sometimes there are special demons…” the boy murmured half-heartedly.

“You don’t really believe that,” Cian challenged.

A shiver coursed through the albino and he stared at his knees.  No, the boy didn’t.  He was fighting his own thoughts in his head, but that was a hard battle for an adult, a nearly impossible one for a child.  Damien pulled his legs against his chest and shivered.  He was afraid of his own inner battles.  Cian hesitated a moment and then nudged Damien’s leg.

“Demons aren’t half as smart as you are,” he offered.

That made the albino finally crack a little smirk.  “No?”

Cian shook his head.  “None of them ever figured out how to stalk me without me noticing.  They didn’t have the sense of curiosity to ask about my abilities either.”

“What about Mercutio?”  Damien asked.

“I don’t know.  I’d assume he has,” the eternal shrugged.

“You two are newly close?”  The boy seemed rather surprised.

Cian laughed lightly and had to nod.  He wasn’t about to tell Damien they shared their first kiss out there on the dance floor.  A moment later Damien’s eyes shimmered and Cian knew that the albino had deduced it for himself.

“Then I guess you are not telrivakes,” Damien realized.

“What does that term mean?”  Cian snapped.

It was Damien’s turn to laugh, and the boy finally started to relax again.  He stretched out his disproportionately long legs, flexing his toes in the thin leather boots he was wearing.

“There…there isn’t a good Common word for it,” the albino explained.  “Common has one word, ‘love’, and it means all the loves.  It’s a bit silly, really, because if you think about it love between lovers, love between…family…” he struggled with that term more than love, “and other sort of loves.”

Cian hesitated a moment.  “Let me guess…telrivaka refers to love between lovers.”

Damien nodded.  “Which I guess you’re not.”

He seemed to drop the topic from there, but Cian found he couldn’t.  The eternal looked over his shoulder to Mercutio, who had Kester laughing and clutching his chest.  Mercutio himself was sporting his usual, boyish, previously frustrating and now rather endearing smile.  A flash of sea green and their eyes locked.  Cian felt a little bit of heat rise to his cheeks and he couldn’t break eye contact until Mercutio did first.  Turning back around Cian considered the situation.  Damien noticed Cian’s shift in demeanor right away, and the eternal could feel that boy’s thin-lipped smirk.

“You want to be,” he stated.

“It’s a bit early to judge that,” Cian quickly defended.

“How is that?”  Damien asked.  “I always read that it’s something you can know right away.”

Yes but you haven’t lived long enough to be as old as this planet and every one in this star system combined.  Cian thought ruefully.

“It’s too early for me to judge,” he rephrased.

Damien tilted his head slightly, that smirk still just as white and thin-lipped as Cian imagined.  The man frowned at his smirk.

“Stop doing that,” Cian hissed.

The albino chuckled quickly and looked away.  A little shrug of his narrow shoulders was the only response he was left with.  Cian huffed and got up, hearing another little chuckle from Damien.  He rounded the table and caught Mercutio’s arm.

“Can I borrow you?”  He cut off Mercutio and Kester’s laughter.

His friend seemed to blink.  Cian wasn’t being as gentle as earlier, and Cian could feel it as a worried flutter went through Mercutio’s gut.  His grip eased on his friend.

“For a little while,” he amended, trying a little smile.

Mercutio was quiet for a moment before nodding.  He gave a quick apology to Kester and promised to continue this “later” and then he got up.  The two headed away from the benches and festivities and towards a quiet corner with a lone abandoned table to sit at.

*

“Is something wrong?”  Mercutio asked worriedly.

Not even a minute ago Cian had been smiling, and now he looked…not quite as smiley at all.  He didn’t think that boy, Damien, could say anything to really upset him, but now he was starting to wonder…

“Not…not really,” Cian sounded as though he were trying to convince himself.

That tone made Mercutio even more anxious now.  He twisted his hands for a moment before stuffing them into his jacket pockets uncomfortably.  Maybe he had done something?  Had Cian been listening to him and Kester talking?  Were his jokes not that palatable?

A hand suddenly touched the edge of Mercutio’s face, fingers following his cheekbone and tracing the hollow of his cheek.  Mercutio smiled a little and leaned into the touch, shutting his eyes and enjoying the sensation.  Physical affection was such a powerful thing, and for so long Mercutio hadn’t had anything like this.  Hugs from friends were nice enough, but little sweet nothings like these filled the empty places left in him.

“I’m not upset,” Cian clarified, his hand reaching back and wrapping around the side of Mercutio’s head, pulling him closer.

He easily followed the pull, bridging the small space between them.  His arms automatically parted and wrapped around Cian.  The other eternal chuckled lowly and leaned into Mercutio.

“I’m not a teddy bear,” Cian weakly protested.

“Pretend,” Mercutio requested in a whisper.

That earned him a soft chuckle from Cian.  He shook his head a little, curls brushing against Mercutio’s forehead.

“So…what is bothering you?”  Mercutio pressed.

He watched as Cian shifted slightly.  Pulling his forehead away Cian’s violet eyes focused on Mercutio’s collar.  The eternal’s neck started to itch as Cian seemed to inspect his skin.  Mercutio swallowed uncomfortably and rolled his neck, trying to get his shirt collar to scratch his growing itch.

“You know that boy, Damien, he’s too smart I think,” Cian laughed a bit hollowly.

“Ah.  He managed to say some things that got under your skin,” Mercutio realized.

The corners of Cian’s mouth twitched.  That was more than enough of an answer.  A little shiver moved through Mercutio and his hands slid lightly into Cian’s.  The other eternal automatically wrapped his fingers around Mercutio’s.  At least that hadn’t changed in the last few minutes.

“It has been quite a long time since I’ve had a relationship—be it platonic or otherwise, you know,” Cian admitted.

“I’m willing to bet it’s been longer since I’ve had a romantic relationship,” Mercutio murmured.

“Really?”  Cian commented.  “I’m fairly certain I’m the older one between the two of us.”

But in reality, what were a few ten thousand years between beings that never died?  Though Mercutio got the feeling that the age difference between them was really under ten thousand, maybe even under a thousand.  They likely would never know though.  Time was such a fleeting thing, especially for their kind.  Still, the comment stood and Mercutio laughed gently.  His thumbs brushed Cian’s knuckles.  He mulled over the words in his head for a few moments and then his sea green eyes rose to meet Cian’s.

“You might find this funny, or maybe pathetic,” Cian made a face at the term pathetic.  “But…I’ve had exactly twelve romantic relationships.”

Cian blinked.  “In…in recently?”

“In ever,” Mercutio laughed sadly.

“Why?”

A pit formed in Mercutio’s stomach.  He shrugged one shoulder weakly, his eyes now focused intently on their linked hands.

“I could only outlive my lover so many times,” he barely whispered.  “You know what it’s like,” his eyes raised to Cian’s collar.  “The heartache it is to watch them grow old as you don’t.  To stand by them and love them so much, but in the end they die.  They go on to some place we can never follow.  Then we’re supposed to restart.  Of course there’s a mourning period, time to cry, time to reflect on what we had, what we enjoyed about it, but then their name turns to dust on their own world and you’re the only one who remembers…” Mercutio swallowed, pushing down those feelings because he didn’t want to be upset right now.

Cian’s hands moved out of Mercutio’s and he nearly lost it.  A second later Cian slid an arm around Mercutio’s waist and rested his head on Mercutio’s shoulder.  A slow wave of warmth moved through Mercutio and he had to smile.  It was so easy to lean his cheek on top of Cian’s curls, to inhale the scent of him, to shut his eyes as he brushed his fingers over the worn fabric of Cian’s old jacket.

“You understand,” Cian’s voice was soft and sad.  “You act like an idiot most of the time,” which made both of them smirk, “but you do understand…”

Mercutio nodded his head, his cheek brushing those curls.  He rather liked their texture and kept brushing his skin to them.

“I know it’s hard for both of us right now,” Mercutio whispered back.  “We’re used to our own brands of emotional solitude, ways of walling off…” his voice trailed off, Mercutio’s thoughts starting to disappear with them.

Cian pinched his side, making Mercutio squeak slightly and come back to reality.  There was a soft chuckle from the eternal pressed against his side, and Mercutio had to grin.

“I’m here, sorry.”

“Just making sure.  You sometimes wander off without ever leaving your body,” teased Cian.

Mercutio had to giggle lightly.  “Yes, well, where I was going before was…  Look, Cian, I now this is new for both of us.  I know that you’re probably just as scared as I am.  I think…I think thinking would make this harder.  And I think for right now…we feel it out.”

Cian grunted with a wry smirk.

“Stop it I didn’t mean like that!”  Mercutio felt his cheeks get hot.

“Mhm…” fingers that had previously pinched him lightly squeezed Mercutio.

A little more heat to his cheeks, taking a careful breath Mercutio continued, “I meant that…we take this at whatever pace is the most comfortable.  We don’t need to label this, because that would be difficult.  And we see what happens.”

“This isn’t like dating, Mercutio,” Cian murmured.  “It’s not as though we’ll give each other a good night kiss, go home, see each other in a few more days.”

“Does it have to be?”  Mercutio wondered.  “Before we started kissing you were living with me,” he pointed out.

That made Cian think for a moment.  Scooting in a bit more comfortably against Mercutio it seemed that he made a decision.

“Then we’ll…feel this out,” Cian he smiled, lifting his head from Mercutio’s shoulder.

They shared another kiss and Mercutio completely relaxed again.  His turn to lift a hand and hold Cian’s cheek, his fingers feeling out their way across Cian’s softer features, into his curls, enjoying their texture and the way the locks spiraled around his digits.  When they pulled their lips away Mercutio smirked.

“I bet Damien’s been watching us the entire time.”

“Well good for him,” Cian kissed Mercutio again.

Good for them more, too bad Mercutio’s mouth was too preoccupied to properly replay.  Somehow that didn’t matter in the end.
Gosh this took forever to get to, didn't it? Sorry for the delay. The boys were busy being kissy in Volusia and didn't really want to switch to more somber themes.

Hmmm...I think I just plain like this chapter. It was a lot of fun to finally get to use some of Misty's lines from previous doodles. ;} Damien is always fun, and I liked the subtle hints about him I got to drop. Cian is always so interesting to pull emotions out of, and Mercutio's little monologe at the end was quite fun too. These boys are all so multi-faceted. :heart:

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YoursTruly-Ty's avatar
Adfgfgh. Why have I not read this yet. ;;
Dude I love it and it's adorable and so cute and. /spasms