Never Said a Word

I didn't see Isaac for two days after his incident.  I did my best not to think about what could be happening to him.  There was the very real possibility that the guards had decided against using him as a worker-drone because of his explosive personality and repurposed Isaac for experimentation.  If given the choice between worker-drone and experimentation, I would pick worker-drone each time.  I've been in this Apocrypha for over two years.  I've watched myself and other worker-drones deteriorate.  I have never seen one of the labrats, which is probably for the better.  Spirits be with those souls.  The guards and…scientists, I guess you could call them, likely don't do anything pleasant…

Time and energy couldn't be wasted worrying about Isaac.  I did my best to help him, but I guess some souls were doomed to destroy themselves.  Do not think me as uncaring or cold, I was sorry, but what could I do?  I was dying of blackweed poisoning, imprisoned, and I still had to work for these bastards.  All of my energy had to be put towards living.  …Though I often questioned why I kept going.

Since Isaac was gone I was left alone in my cell again.  I didn't like being alone—especially not in such an isolating place like Apocrypha.  I was never a loner.  I've always needed to be around people, to see another human, even if we weren't talking.  Though I did like talking to people.  Too bad most of us here in the Apocrypha are too broken to know how to socialize anymore.  I did my best though.  Mostly to keep some shred of humanity, but I did try.

During the time that Isaac was gone life moved on as if nothing had happened.  Apocrypha slowed for no one, especially not for anything but uncommon rebellious prat.  Not that I thought Isaac was a prat…well, maybe a little.  He was stubborn and hurting and while I knew I should understand his pain he pushed it.  My stomach was bruised from when he hit me.  Perhaps I should stop being so nice.  (As if it is so easy to change ones nature.)

The guards denied me dinner because my cellmate had lost it that night.  It was a shame, since I was ravenous, but I knew better than to complain or get angry.  The guards love it when we fight back.  You can see these serpentine smiles dance across their faces when someone starts shouting or fighting.  Their eyes gleam and they take so much joy in beating us into submission.  However, they hate the end product of their extended abuse.  So to get back at them I quietly take their abuses.  They yell at me, I nod and do what they say.  They deny me meals, I act as though I'm not hungry.  It's tough, especially since I so desperately want to fight, but in the end it's not worth it.  Not much is "worth it" anymore.

Hours later the guards came back and opened the cell door.  I thought that they were bringing back Isaac.  Instead, the man motioned out into the hall.

"Get up.  We're taking you to mess."

I swear to the spirits I nearly said, "But you said I don't get to eat today."  I have been that well trained.  Two years…two long years and I would ask for punishment.  Good thing I've trained myself to not speak to the guards.  That lesson superseded the need to ask for my punishment.

Without a word I walked into the hall.  The guard snarled as I came up beside him.  He shoved me forward, trying to provoke something.  I didn't do a damn thing, not a damn thing.  He marched me through the winding halls of the Apocrypha (to this day I don't have a good mental map of the place) and to the mess hall.

The mess hall is as silent as the mines.  We're not allowed to speak to each other.  If someone even coughs too loud the guards bear down on them.  Like a ghost I creep into the large room, the smell of food filling the air.  It's not five-star food, but at least it fills my shrunken stomach.  The mess hall is just a giant metal room with tables and benches in rows coating the floor.  The benches aren't too comfortable, but you get used to it.  We're allowed to move freely in the mess hall, and the guard leaves me next to the line for food.

I didn't get in line.  Instead I scanned the room.  She had to be here, she always is.  I would have hated to miss our date.  I never miss dates.  I might be late, but missing is completely inappropriate.  It took me a few seconds but I found her figure sitting motionlessly at our usual place.  A sigh of relief escaped me and I crossed the room to her.  As I got close I grazed my fingers over her shoulder.  As usual she tenses and then stares up at me.  As soon as she recognized me a smile dances across her face and she pats the space next to her.

She is a beautiful neshtan girl.  Onyx skin, black hair, and glowing grey eyes because of the blackweed.  Her veins are probably black too but you can't see them against her dark skin.  She's still as gorgeous as she was on the outside—save her eye color.  I'm sure they aren't grey in reality, but I've never seen them any other color.  She's been here for a bit longer than me.

We have been eating together since I first arrived.  She used to sit alone and I couldn't let a pretty thing like her sit alone, so I sat beside her that first day.  That day she actually hissed at me, curling her long tail around her waist and shifting a few inches away from me.  But I was patient and didn't force anything.  I just sat with her that day, the day after, and then the day after again until it became two weeks we were sitting together and she didn't hiss.  I wasn't being forward—I don't think I was.  Now if I had been allowed to talk to her…haha, I might have walked away with a handprint on my face.  Thankfully since I wasn't allowed to speak I didn't muddle up our relationship before it started.

Now she always has me sit next to her.  If I try to sit somewhere else she finds me and sits next to me.  I don't know her name and she doesn't know mine, but our bond is stronger because of it.  I don't know when either of us is going to die, and I don't want to imagine that day.  I think if one of us goes the other will follow shortly.  Maybe in the beyond we can learn each other's name.

She rested her shoulder against mine gently.  As prisoners we're not allowed to show affection or touch, but we could get away with this.  I really wanted to know her name, but somehow I thought if I did that would change us, but at the same time at that point I didn't really know what to call her.  Beautiful nesthan girl was all that works.  I'm not terribly creative.  She put one hand down on the bench next to mine and we managed a little hand squeeze before we pull away in case a guard was stalking behind us.  She pushed her half eaten plate to me.  I guessed she's not hungry today.  I took a bite of what I thought was a sandwich.  It tasted bland, but it's food so I don't care.  I've got my girl and I've got food and I'm not dead yet, so life was pretty good.

We're lovers and we've never said a word to one another.  We're lovers and we've never made love.  We're lovers and we've never kissed.  We're lovers and somehow our silent relationship is what has kept us both sane.

I suppose this sounds rather odd, this almost incomplete relationship with a girl I don't know the name of.  I'll understand if you deny that we're real.  I know I don't care, and I hope she wouldn't care for your opinion.  Though, if you hurt her feelings I will put you in the ground.  She's my beautiful neshtan girl and I don't want to see her cry.

I ate the other half of her food that she offered me.  I did it slowly in case she wanted to steal some back, but my beautiful neshtan girl never took back what she gave me.  One time I tried giving back some vegetables she gave me and she frowned.  She pinned her ears back and shoved the vegetables back at me.  I think she doesn't like how thin I am.  I've always been thin but I got much thinner here in Apocrypha.  Now I eat whatever she gives me.

As soon as I finished eating I notice a guard coming my way.  I reached below the table and squeezed her knee goodbye.  She looked sad but nodded.  She knew that I had no choice.  I got up before the guard got close.  He took me back to my cell and shut me in.  I was in much better spirits and decided to go to bed.  Best to sleep off the hours alone and wait for either Isaac to return or the next meal break with my beautiful neshtan girl.