I Remember When

I was forced back into my cell by the guard with green eyes.  I knew him well.  He always had his eyes on the girls with blond hair.  Sometimes I heard about the things he did to them.  I was glad he didn't like people like me.  Not many humans liked neshtan girls.  My human did.  I saw the way he looked at me that first time we met.  There was a shimmer behind his eyes, his smile was sincere with interest, if maybe a bit lecherous and excited.

I remember when his eyes had color.  His eyes were beautiful then.  One was bright blue, like the sky.  The other was bright green, like sprouting grass.  His eyes reminded me of the world outside of this place.  They reminded me of freedom and the little good there was left in the Meyderan Empire.  I was so sad the day his eyes turned grey.  All the color of the world faded with his eye color.  I missed those bright eyes so dearly.  I missed his eye color more than I missed my own.  I never really liked the color my eyes were.  My sister had prettier eyes than me—hers were bright purple, shimmering like a freshly cut amethyst.

And now my human was losing what little of himself he had left.  His friend with the glasses was the only one at meal today.  The one with the glasses was bruised and walked with a bit of hesitation.  The guards had attacked him, or perhaps something fell on him in the mines, I would never know.  I paced my cell as I tried to think.  I tried to remember what my sister told me before we were taken.  She had seen us being taken long before it happened.  She said she went to the psychic realm and talked to an old man about it.  She didn't tell me much else.  "Knowing the future will make you crazy, it made me crazy," she would say with a smile.  I hated it when she kept her premonitions from me.

"Stop pacing," hissed my roommate.

"I am allowed to walk about the cell," I said softly.

Llomerrin growled, curling her fingers against her mattress.  She was never in a good mood.  She had been in a bad mood since she arrived.  I wouldn't let her boss me around.  I was smarter than her.

"What's got your tail in a knot?"  Llomerrin wrinkled her nose at me.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Then stop making it my business by pacing!"

"Walking does not make anything your business.  It simply makes me tired."

She shouted and tried to tackle me.  I scurried out of the way and up onto the top bunk.  For a few more seconds she screamed and cursed, throwing a childish tantrum, and then she settled down on her mattress below mine.  Living with Llomerrin was a nightmare, but at least I was given breaks from her to be with my human.

My hands curled against the paper-thin sheet I had slept on for nearly two years.  Nearly two years of knowing and not knowing a man, and I was going to lose him.  Nothing could save him from the blackweed.  Well, that wasn't entirely true.  If he stopped ingesting the vile substance he would be fine.  It would take some months for him to regain what he'd lost—the weight, the muscle, his skin tone, his bright eyes—but he would live.  But he wouldn't be given that reprieve here.  We were all doomed to die by decaying from the inside out.

I had been here for almost two weeks longer than him.  Neshtan eye color faded quickly due to the blackweed, but we lasted longer on the substance.  I don't know how that works biologically, but it is just what happens.  I was always doomed to outlive my human.  I shuddered as I thought of him missing another lunch.  He was always there.  He was something to look forward to and to be happy about.  His friend with the glasses was a poor substitute.  He did not smile like my human.

With a sigh I curled up against my mattress.  I was going to miss him, my human, when he went.  I shouldn't take much longer to go, even though I wasn't feeling very ill yet.  Maybe it's because my sister had me drink all that odd white tea before we were captured.  She seemed very sure that it would help.  I was still dizzy and tired and my bones felt weak, but I wasn't losing weight and I wasn't coughing out my lungs.  I knew my human was, but I could offer him no comfort from where I was.

I heard Llomerrin growl beneath me.  I was clawing at the bed sheets too loudly for her tastes.  Rolling my eyes, I stilled my nervous hands.  Tomorrow maybe I would see him at mess for one last time.